It is Funny to Me

If you read TGIF with Kel each week, you already saw this picture yesterday.

I am having a hard time with this picture.

I am going to be honest here, and perhaps you will know how crazy I am at times.  Don't be too frightened, ok?

I keep looking at it.

I was certain Ben had edited it. I mean, I knew he had not reshaped me at all, but I was certain he had played with it.  I love this picture.

This was taken last weekend before we went on a Surly Beer Tour.  (Local beer that is freaking awesome!)  Ben kept telling me all day that I was beautiful, and as usual, I told him he was sweet.  I can't say I look in the mirror and ever feel I am beautiful.

There are times I feel I have put myself together better than other times, like this one last summer:

That is my oldest son Alex.  Cute kid, huh?

I have had such negative thoughts about myself my whole life.  It is pictures like this that snap me out of my low self-esteem moments.  I think I look beautiful.  

What I realize about both of these pictures is the common theme; not that my hair was perfect, or that I am wearing a favorite outfit.  I am happy in these pictures. I am with those I love more than anything.  In both pictures I am looking at the man that inspires me to be the best person I can be.  Words cannot describe the joy I have in my heart for him.

When I look at pictures of me from my past, I think it is the joy that was missing.  I can look at pictures from moments in my life, after the births of my children, for example, and know that I had joy in my heart, but it just did not come out in the picture.

Ok, I guess that is enough crazy thoughts for a Saturday.  I am going to get up off the couch now, and stop staring at my picture.

Have a great day!